Newspaper!
I am bored... lets take a look at todays newspaper... we have The Sun... hehe... I wonder what interesting and amazing stuff we will find out!
Front Page - yay, Jacko has vowed that he will not let boys in his bed anymore, to avoid further sex claims!... and it has a picture of one of those doorhanger things with Jacko's face on (he isn't very attractive is he?) and 'DO NOT DISTURB' underneath!...
Page 2 - CHANGE OR DIE... boooring...
Page 3 - boobies!... oo, her name is Neval, and she is 22, from London... hehe... other news, Becks is friends with Snoop Dogg, shocking...
Pages 4-7 - random stuff about Michael Jackson... he is doing a World Wide Greatest Hits Tour... writing a book... and selling some Beatles thingy... catalogue or something...
Page 8 - we have a lil drawing thing of Jacko doing a weird dance thing cos he just got his bill or something...
ok, I will just tell you interesting news now...
Pages 16-17 - ooo, Bizarre, I wrote an e-mail to her before telling her to lay off Britney a bit, didn't work tho I don't think... :-(... main story on here, she is launching a campaign type thing to make Live8 the biggest British concert ever, by letting 350,000 people go... cos 500,000 can fit in Hyde Park, so they could do it easily... there is also a nice picture of Nicole Kidman... hehe...
Page 20 - omg, some 66 year old guy got crushed to death by a pregnant cow... he was only walking his dog... poor thing...
Page 21 - Kylie says she is a long way from getting well... :-(... her breast cancer is more serious than she thought... I hope she gets well soon... love ya Kylie!
Page 23 - yay, Big Brother news!... Maxwell is top of their charts... Vanessa is at the bottom for some reason... :-(
Page 24 - ooo, a column called 'The Whip'... oh, it's crap... boring politics... it does have a picture of an old woman having a fag though... (an actual cigarette, silverb)
Page 26 - omg, people having sex!... OMG! it's Holly Valance!... apparently she is some US comedy called Entourage... you can see her boobie!... but no nipplets, hehe... omg, I did not know she turned down a roll in Nip/Tuck!... how stupid is she!... I love that show, hehe...
Page 27 - wow, apparently these wristband things aren't actually for charity... well, they are... but they have a hidden meaning!... it's all about sex and stuff, hehe... I will tell you what I am from my bands, ok, I am a Straight Female, and I am Attached... well, I am none of those... hehe... I will give you the list...
Page 30-31 - omg, lets find out my Vice Age!... I have no idea what this is, but Charlotte Church's is 32, Kate Moss' is 54, and Johnny Vegas' is 72!... hmm... lets see... my real age, 17... don't smoke, -2 years... I hardly ever drink, so I will say none, +2... fat age? what the hell is my BMI! lets say it is under 20, so +2 years... that's it?... that was crap... my Vice Age is 19!...
Page 32-34 - ooo, what's on TV tonight!... oh, nothing... Big Brother at 10, yay!... and I recommend you all watch Nip/Tuck at 10:50!...
Page 35 - yay, Dear Deidre... lets see if we can find a funny one, hehe... "I've been having great sex with a girl at work even though I've got a girlfriend. Why can't I be faithful?"... haha... yes... her answer is crap... "I'm so scared I'll flop in bed I don't even try to have sex anymore"... aww, poor thing... he keeps losing his hard-on when they go to have sex... if you have erection problems too, you can call Deidre! on 09015 678 081 10... ooo, to find out how to "thrill your man in bed", hehe, call 09015 678 084... and... if you are losing your hair?... call 09015 678 086...
Page 40 - comics!... they still do George and Lynne... that comic is so perverted... you can like, totally see her nipplets all the time... yeh, I don't get any of them... they aren't funny... ooo, Mystic Meg!... I don't understand my star sign... :-(... something about training for a job, then moving to the country?... who knows...
well, the rest is adverts and sports... both crap... hehe... wasn't that interesting!... I thought it was, hehe... I may do this again sometime!... or I may not... only time will tell... hehe...
that is all!...
bYe!
Front Page - yay, Jacko has vowed that he will not let boys in his bed anymore, to avoid further sex claims!... and it has a picture of one of those doorhanger things with Jacko's face on (he isn't very attractive is he?) and 'DO NOT DISTURB' underneath!...
Page 2 - CHANGE OR DIE... boooring...
Page 3 - boobies!... oo, her name is Neval, and she is 22, from London... hehe... other news, Becks is friends with Snoop Dogg, shocking...
Pages 4-7 - random stuff about Michael Jackson... he is doing a World Wide Greatest Hits Tour... writing a book... and selling some Beatles thingy... catalogue or something...
Page 8 - we have a lil drawing thing of Jacko doing a weird dance thing cos he just got his bill or something...
ok, I will just tell you interesting news now...
Pages 16-17 - ooo, Bizarre, I wrote an e-mail to her before telling her to lay off Britney a bit, didn't work tho I don't think... :-(... main story on here, she is launching a campaign type thing to make Live8 the biggest British concert ever, by letting 350,000 people go... cos 500,000 can fit in Hyde Park, so they could do it easily... there is also a nice picture of Nicole Kidman... hehe...
Page 20 - omg, some 66 year old guy got crushed to death by a pregnant cow... he was only walking his dog... poor thing...
Page 21 - Kylie says she is a long way from getting well... :-(... her breast cancer is more serious than she thought... I hope she gets well soon... love ya Kylie!
Page 23 - yay, Big Brother news!... Maxwell is top of their charts... Vanessa is at the bottom for some reason... :-(
Page 24 - ooo, a column called 'The Whip'... oh, it's crap... boring politics... it does have a picture of an old woman having a fag though... (an actual cigarette, silverb)
Page 26 - omg, people having sex!... OMG! it's Holly Valance!... apparently she is some US comedy called Entourage... you can see her boobie!... but no nipplets, hehe... omg, I did not know she turned down a roll in Nip/Tuck!... how stupid is she!... I love that show, hehe...
Page 27 - wow, apparently these wristband things aren't actually for charity... well, they are... but they have a hidden meaning!... it's all about sex and stuff, hehe... I will tell you what I am from my bands, ok, I am a Straight Female, and I am Attached... well, I am none of those... hehe... I will give you the list...
- Pink (Breast Cancer) - Straight Female
- Blue (Bullying) - Straight Male
- Red (Heart, I think) - Sexually Available
- White (Make Poverty History) - Attached
- Purple (not sure, but I saw Dougie wearing one!) - Gay!
- Black (no idea) - Recently Seperated
Page 30-31 - omg, lets find out my Vice Age!... I have no idea what this is, but Charlotte Church's is 32, Kate Moss' is 54, and Johnny Vegas' is 72!... hmm... lets see... my real age, 17... don't smoke, -2 years... I hardly ever drink, so I will say none, +2... fat age? what the hell is my BMI! lets say it is under 20, so +2 years... that's it?... that was crap... my Vice Age is 19!...
Page 32-34 - ooo, what's on TV tonight!... oh, nothing... Big Brother at 10, yay!... and I recommend you all watch Nip/Tuck at 10:50!...
Page 35 - yay, Dear Deidre... lets see if we can find a funny one, hehe... "I've been having great sex with a girl at work even though I've got a girlfriend. Why can't I be faithful?"... haha... yes... her answer is crap... "I'm so scared I'll flop in bed I don't even try to have sex anymore"... aww, poor thing... he keeps losing his hard-on when they go to have sex... if you have erection problems too, you can call Deidre! on 09015 678 081 10... ooo, to find out how to "thrill your man in bed", hehe, call 09015 678 084... and... if you are losing your hair?... call 09015 678 086...
Page 40 - comics!... they still do George and Lynne... that comic is so perverted... you can like, totally see her nipplets all the time... yeh, I don't get any of them... they aren't funny... ooo, Mystic Meg!... I don't understand my star sign... :-(... something about training for a job, then moving to the country?... who knows...
well, the rest is adverts and sports... both crap... hehe... wasn't that interesting!... I thought it was, hehe... I may do this again sometime!... or I may not... only time will tell... hehe...
that is all!...
bYe!
posted by Cheezus69 at 6:53 pm
I got 2 comments!
What a brilliant post. If you do that every day i won't have to send mr. mac into the airport every morning before work to pick up The Sun for a fiver.
Blimey, George and Lynne are still going? That's got to be some kind of record, surely.
Jon: yeh, is it Victoria Newton on Bizarre, don't be liking her much, but still...
silverb: I have no idea what your green or grey ones mean - what are they for anyways???... oh, and thanks... :-$
ms.mac: thanks!... I cannot do it today, so you will have to spend your fiver, I am sorry... I'm going to see Batman, hehe...
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